Carry on

Last Lecture       

                Sometime In October, I wrote in this blog that I was very close to quitting. Last night I thought back to the day when this semester began. I recall sitting in hotel room in Arizona while the rest of my family slept, opening I-learn and seeing the mountain of work that was scheduled for each week for the classes I had signed up for. I almost immediately dropped one class. Then as the week progressed, I notice that though the work load dropped significantly, I began to understand that as a result of dropping that one class, my graduation date would change. The goal that I had set for myself was now different and expanded, and later than I planned, because I was afraid of a potential amount of work. Within a day or two, I had added the class back and began to tackle it. I noticed that two of the classes that I had were very similar. In fact, they were similar enough that I could use much of the work interchangeably between the two classes with some changes. Granted this only applied to a few assignments, but it dropped my average of 23 assignments each week down to just 18 or so. I was worried, and concerned and perhaps even afraid, but I kept on and am now finished. I had worried for nothing. It was difficult, but the only other options were quit, or expand my workload for another semester. Neither of these was an acceptable option. This was the first test.

                In October came another. While doing my graduation plan, it became apparent to me that I did not have five semesters left, but four full years, and possibly more, to finish my degree. I was heartbroken and numb. I spent a number of days struggling mightily before I told my wife. She suggested I might just quit, that it would be too hard. Perhaps she was right. But I had been waiting for something to come along for years that would allow me to finish my degree and go on to gets a Masters. For almost a full week, I stewed on it and finally decided that quitting wasn’t an option at all. That no matter how long it took, I was going to finish. I rationalized this myself a hundred ways, but ultimately decided that there were no options, forward and out was the only way. About three weeks later, I found out that the program I was using was faulty and that I had less than two years to go. I think back with tremendous gratitude that the Lord did not allow me to quit or I would have lost all the work I had done up to that point. All of it would have been in vain.

                I am sure that trials lie ahead. In Church, in business, in my family, more struggles are coming. In most things, the only real answer is to lower your head and plow on. Sometimes you will have the benefit of knowing it is only for a short time. Sometimes you will know in your heart that it is not a short time and that for whatever reason, your life has just fundamentally changed forever. There is no end, you must adjust to whatever the new situation is and learn to cope with it. I have always been impressed by the last words that Bruce R. McConkie reportedly said to his wife as he passed away, “Carry on.”

                And this is life, just carry on. In things big and small, just keep going. I learn this by doing and I gain a testimony of it by surviving. Find a way to carry on and excel if you can. Things will work out.